ProExtender System Can Give You Great Results. Are You Up For It?

Admit it, guys. Even if you have a porn star sized dick, you still want to make it bigger and better. Everyone loves a large cock, but not every man can say that’s what he has in his pants. Since the dawn of time fellas have been trying to achieve erections of monumental proportions, only to be stuck with shoddy penis enhancement options that are intimidating at best. And with the recent FDA regulations in the United States, finding a high-quality penis extender without first talking to a doctor is about as easy as performing a root canal on yourself without any anesthetic.

What Other Choice Do We Have?

I am relieved to know that the buck does not stop there. I, for one, prefer to continually improve the look and allure of my penis because it increases the pleasure I derive from my sex life (and from my time in the mirror). Speaking from a purely personal perspective, I’m willing to try just about anything if I think it will work. That being said: I have stuck my junk in just about every device known to man; I have slapped on almost every topical cream there is, and I have swallowed more dietary supplements than should be legally allowed. Hands down, the ProExtender is my favorite penis enhancement device thus far.

This thing is sort of remarkable if you ask me – definitely a testament to the hard work and dedication coming out of the labs these days. Even though money for scientific research would most likely be more frugally spent on something like a cure for cancer, I’m selfishly glad there’s someone out there fighting for my cock and confidence. In any event, the ProExtender is used quite regularly in the treatment of Peyronies Disease so that makes me feel a little bit better, but that’s exactly why I can’t get it while I’m living in the United States.

What’s the Problem?

According the Food and Drug Administration, the ProExtender is a medical device which requires a license to use. What does that mean for the average man? Well, it basically means that he will need a doctor to write him a prescription if he wants to get his dick anywhere near it. Imagine how that conversation will go down. If you’re anything like me, you stop trying at that point. You just whip out your tiny dick, rub one out with your favorite fake pussy, and call it a night. I know the feeling.

What’s the Solution?

Just when I was starting to think it was me and my dick against the world, a lightbulb went off in my head. What if I found some similar devices that were not subject to needing a prescription for me to buy and use them? What if there were other options out there that were just as good, if not better? I could avoid the awkward conversation with my doctor, get that massive package I always wanted, and live to tell about it. This is the kind of problem solving I do, folks.

So, I started doing some research on the matter and I found some interesting stuff. It turns out there are about a dozen comparable penis extenders on the market right now. I will spare you the details on each individual model, but I will tell you this: they work and they’re typically no more expensive than the ProExtender. You’re welcome.

How Do These Things Compare?

Basically, the other models I discovered do the exact same thing as the ProExtender. The only difference is the fact that the ProExtender manufacturers have more or less locked themselves into a select demographic. Let that not deter you, fellow dick growers and ProExtender fanboys, for I have found numerous loopholes in the system. These devices, however, do not require the permission of a doctor to get and yet, they operate just the same. Yes, I am a slave to my favorite brand name as well, but there comes a time in every man’s life when he must branch out and play the field. You still remember how to do that, don’t you?

The devices I have discovered are just as high-end as the popular ProExtender brand, but you won’t have to get a passport or engage in smuggling to get your hands on one. You could always go with that new 120-Day “Progressive Overload” workout routine, but I prefer to keep my cock out of the gym. He already gets plenty of exercise. I hear it works, but it’s a bitch to keep track of and it’s not 100% effective for all men (especially if you accidentally miss a day).

That doesn’t matter though, does it? Not in a world full of scientifically advanced penis extenders, and I’m not just talking about the ProExtender. Each of the devices I found did the following things, if not more:

  • Increases penis length
  • Increases penis girth
  • Creates longer lasting erections
  • Improves the quality of the erection
  • Straightens curved penises
  • Enhances the quality of sperm and ejaculate
  • Provides strength for ejaculation control
  • Makes orgasm more intense
  • Increases blood flow to the genitals

Nobody needs to tell you what a bigger, better penis will do for your sex life. Personally, I find my sexual experiences to be more intense and satisfying now that I have walked the planks of the penis extender ship. I feel a lot more confident and I never had to admit my inadequacies to a room full of medical professionals.

Penis extending devices, I think, are better than topical creams, herbal supplements, and exercise programs because they can be used more casually and discretely. Moreover, they are more comfortable than they look if you can believe it. Most of them fit nicely under loose-fitting clothes and you can’t even see it. There is no itching or burning involved, no upset stomachs or indigestion to suffer through, and no will power is ever required. You can have your other options. I will choose a good penis extending device every single time.

How Can We Find Effective Penis Extenders without Making a Claim on Our Health Insurance?

Wanting to fuck better is not a medical condition, I’m sorry guys. Sometimes it feels that way though, doesn’t it? Luckily for us, the brands listed below are made well enough to do the trick without harming your dick. Who would have thought that cock enhancement could be so poetic?

ProExtender System Can Give You Great Results. Are You Up For It?

Lelo Hugo – Let The Prostate Tickling Begin!

Recently, our team strayed away from fuckable fake vaginas and tried our luck with a few prostate massagers. First up was the Lelo Hugo, and while the brand name isn’t as famous as some of its competitors, Lelo is still well-known and respected all over the globe. We figured that since the manufacturer obviously took a lot of time to perfect this little gadget, we might as well see what all the fuss was about. After all, if a company is going to ask for your money, then they have to get through us first.

Now, we like to think we create sex toy reviews that are both informative and entertaining, while also being objective and professional. Even though having our prostates tickled is among our top 10 favorite pastimes, we have still given it our best shot to be as picky and detail-oriented as possible. The Lelo Hugo might not look like much, but we discovered it was quite a bit more high-tech than we initially gave it credit for.

What Is the Lelo Hugo?

Obviously the Lelo Hugo is a prostate massager, but is that all? Well, of course not. It isn’t just some silicon stick you shove up your ass when you’re in the mood; it’s a luxurious battery powered sex toy that is made for manual or partnered play, and it is comprised of some pretty neat technology. As modern science advances, so too do the ways we pleasure ourselves – and now we have hand-held, customizable robots to get us off. This wasn’t ever mentioned on any episode of the Jetsons.

What Comes in the Box?

So, opening the Lelo Hugo prostate massager box is apparently designed to make someone feel like Hugh Heffner. The packaging itself is kind of swanky – solid and durable with a clear window framed out in a sort of satiny black material, revealing the treasure inside. Once opened, we found the following items:

  • The Lelo Hugo Prostate Massager
  • A wireless remote control
  • An instruction booklet
  • A USB charging cable
  • A small packet of water-based anal lube
  • A satin storage pouch

Now, there are a few things you need to know about the Lelo Hugo and the contents of its fancy-shmancy box. First of all, the box isn’t exactly discrete so if that’s what you’re looking for, you might want to keep track of that satin pouch. Secondly, the way in which the Hugo works practically required us to have the device in one hand and the instructions in the other for the first couple times we used it. Although we got the hang of the remote control’s buttons after a while, we will admit that it was a little bit confusing when we got started.

The Main Features

Aside from the newbie clumsiness we experienced initially, our ability to understand and appreciate the main features of the Lelo Hugo was a proverbial cake walk. We noticed first off all that it is made from a medical grade silicone which gives it a velvety smooth finish. And that same exact material is used on the remote, which just so happens to double as an external stimulator capable of the same vibratory patterns as the main device. The Hugo massager measures 5.5 inches in length and just under 4 inches in girth, featuring dual curved prongs – one for prostate massaging and the other to tickle your perineum.

One of the coolest features has more to do with the remote control and less to do with the massager itself. We, by accident, tipped the remote control on its side and got a huge surprise. Apparently, doing so increases (or decreases) the vibrational patterns and it all happens in an instant. We kept swapping back and forth between using the SenseMotion technology and exploring the six different pre-programmed functions – all of which can be controlled by pressing on one of three buttons featured on the top of the two-sided remote. It can be quickly paired with the main massager, used by itself, or shut off completely to function solely as a controller. Pretty snazzy, right?

How Does It Feel?

Well, since the manufacturers used high-grade silicone instead of latex, the Lelo Hugo massager felt like it was gliding into our body without unnecessary friction, especially when we used the included lube (or even some of our own). The rigidity of both prongs is almost perfect, although personal taste is a huge factor there. The curvature hits just right for most crotches, but we’re sure there’s at least one guy out there who doesn’t fit. Additionally, we thought the power and speed of the various functions was satisfactory, although some of us wished it featured a few more options. Talk about picky bitches.

The Pros and Cons

Like we said, the Lelo Hugo is a boss but it still could use some personnel training. We have plenty to love about it, and a couple qualms that we think you (and the manufacturer) should know. Here they are:

PROS

  • Fits Like a Glove – Medium-sized for a variety of users and experience levels.
  • Takes a Lickin’ and Keeps on Tickin’ – Completely waterproof and submersible.
  • Goes the Extra Mile – Two hour run time with a fully charged battery.
  • Move It and Shake It – Motion activated sensors provide an erotic surprise when utilized.
  • So Safe Its Sexy – Contains no phthalates or latex, making it hypoallergenic.
  • Whispers Its Secrets – Quiet operation for discrete rendezvous.
  • For Busy Birds and Bees – Rechargeable with a wireless remote and 2 x AAA batteries included.
  • Earth Toys Are Easy – Washable with a warm water rinse and/or toy cleaner; set it out to air dry.

CONS

  • Maintenance Emergency – Requires new batteries after about a dozen charges, with no indication of battery life.
  • Waiting and Wishing – Needs to be charged for an hour or more to provide 120 minutes of play time.
  • The Bigger the Better – Not ideal for experienced users who are accustomed to or who prefer bigger prongs, or for those who have exceptionally large balls.
  • Special Forces – To preserve the medical grade silicone, an antibacterial toy cleaning spray is recommended by the manufacturer (and it costs about 15 bucks for 2 ounces).
  • Power Problems – Vibration strength begins to wane once the battery starts to weaken, which is always a mystery.

Since we have yet to find a product, let alone a sex toy, that is perfect in all its ways, it does not surprise us that we could find several faults in a device that has the sole purpose of making us cum from the bum. Hell, you could hand our team a million dollars and we would examine it so closely we’d find something wrong with it. It’s our job to fussy little assholes (literally), so get off our backs (just kidding).

Our Final Verdict

It takes a lot to catch our attention these days, but not much to make us walk away. With that said, we should probably mention that most of the guys on our team used the Lelo Hugo for about a month straight. If it were no good, we would have simply thrown it away and moved on to the next assignment. Trust us, we are more than eager to see what our boss has in store for our cocks next. Don’t get it twisted.

The Lelo Hugo is, in our opinion, a solid sex toy with a lot of user-friendly features – most of which seem to be designed using negative customer reviews from other products. Hey, if that’s what you’ve got to do to create a device that successfully engulfs our senses, we aren’t going to judge. We will say, however, that if you’re going to spend money on the Hugo, spend a little extra cash on some high quality cleaner and rechargeable batteries or you’ll be sorry (and it will probably happen at the most inopportune time).

Lelo Hugo – Let The Prostate Tickling Begin!

Don’t Flip Over the TENGA Flip-Hole Just Yet

Our team has been on a mission to stick our eager dicks into every synthetic beaver on the market, and damn it if we don’t take our jobs seriously. So, when we were suggested to put our hands on the TENGA Flip-Hole fuck toy, we just couldn’t say no. As diehard Fleshlight fanatics, we were skeptical as to the quality of the impending lay. But after closer inspection we decided it was somewhat comparable to our top pick – at least for people who don’t know any better.

Perhaps you would like to know better, though. We don’t blame you. After all, our team is a group of horny bastards who can appreciate a good pussy just as much as the next guy. In fact, we like to refer to ourselves as fake vagina connoisseurs, which is why we will keep this Flip-Hole review short, sweet, honest, and complete. Here we go.

What Is the TENGA Flip-Hole?

Well, we were wondering the same thing until we peeked (don’t tell our boss; we were just super curious). This little number looks like a wireless waffle maker for your dick, minus the burning heat and subsequent breakfast. Seriously though, it is a male masturbation device designed to pleasure your penis with a variety of interchangeable lining textures. Or at least that’s the best way we can describe it.

We are already familiar with the TENGA brand. We know them as being one of the best in the biz, so we trust them to give us a proper fucking. The Flip-Hole comes in four colors, and each of them is slightly different. It’s not so much the color that changes as it is the texture inside the casing that can be interchanged to create a variety of unique experiences. We got to choose between white, silver, black, or red. We will explain the details of each in a minute.

In the meantime, it is important to note that the TENGA Flip-Hole is reusable. So, we advise not buying one until you have considered the properties of all four versions. If you’re anything like us, once you find something you like you tend to compare everything to it. Perhaps that’s why our entire team kept referring to the Fleshlight line when we were discussing our final verdicts.

The Main Features

First, we should point out the fact that although the Flip-Hole comes in four different colors and textures, the main features are the same on each. For instance, all units are made to house a removable internal sleeve that attaches at the top using air-tight secures. In addition, every Flip-Hole features pressure pads on the side, which are designed to help you control the power and suction being produced by the sleeve. The sleeves, which are what caught our attention the most, are what we will discuss from here on out.

While we all thought that the textured internal sleeves were sensational, we couldn’t help but to compare them to the Fleshlight brand. The TENGA Flip-Hole feels a little artificial for our tastes – must like cold, coagulated bubble wrap – but then again, we have fucked just about everything under the sun. Our discerning penises, with their professional opinions, say that the SuperSkin material of the Fleshlight is still number one. We dare not argue with an angry dick.

Overall, the Flipster (that’s what we call it to save time on paperwork) is a pretty simple device. We like that. It is not as bulky as the Fleshlight either – it’s rather slim and sleek – but, that just meant it flew out of our hands from time to time right when we were about to get off. Not a good way to go through an intense orgasm, just sayin’. Here is what we noticed about the “Flipster Four” (We get bored after work and come up with nicknames for our fake vaginas. Don’t judge us.):

The White

The texture is soft like a billowy white cloud, if you like that kind of thing. It is supposed to provide all-around stimulation, but it felt more like a lazy hand-job to a lot of us. Not our favorite fake vagina of the bunch, but definitely an option for men with overly sensitive dicks or premature ejaculation problems.

We noticed, however, that the White had the tightest opening and canal of them all. There is also a little orb at the top of the sleeve that encases the head of the penis and, honestly, feels like a million bucks. At the same time, it probably doesn’t feel that great for those with dicks that are 6-inches or longer, but who gives a shit about those lucky pricks? The suction provided by the Flip-Hole White is decent for everybody, especially considering the main selling point is its unique texture.

The Silver

Compared to the white, the texture of the Silver is kind of ho-hum. By that we mean it’s rather plain, but that doesn’t mean it feels like shit. In fact, we liked this one better because it ended up feeling more pleasurable to our already worn out cocks. Simply put: sometimes less is more.

The Silver features a low-profile texture that provided a smooth glide. Used with a great water-based warming lube, and the Silver feels like a killer blowjob from a toothless whore. It’s not as tight as the White either, since, you know, whores are never virgins. The Silver is seasoned, that’s the best way we can describe it.

The Black

Once you go black you may never go back. Okay, we’re kidding, but seriously the texture of the Flip-Hole Black is rather amazing. It is good and firm and it has an incredibly concentrated texture pattern. We found it ideal for men whose junk is relatively accustomed to the fake vagina jack-off game, because it gets in there and drags all the cum out within minutes.

No joke, using the Black is a dick attack. The TENGA brand obviously did their research on this one, but then again it’s all a matter of opinion. We found the Black to have a just-right fit, a fantastic texture, and the perfect amount of suction. It’s probably our favorite of the four.

The Red

It has a texture that reminded us a lot of the Silver, but its texture is just slightly more rigid. The increased rigidity provided more intense suction, so the Red is pretty much just a pumped-up version of the sexy Silver sleeve mentioned above. But that’s not a bad gig if you ask us.

The texture of the Red is rather pleasant too, comparatively speaking. It’s like the Goldilocks of the TENGA lineup – not too intense, not too laid-back. It does offer a shit ton of suction though. It might be the best choice for guys who favor that sort of stuff over fancy textures and patterned nobs.

The Pros and Cons

We obviously had our opinions regarding the differences between the textures of the four Flip-Holes, but how do we feel about the Flip-Hole in general? We had to make a list of pros and cons to decide whether we liked it better than some of others we’ve tried. Then again, maybe our heads were still spinning. But isn’t that a good thing?

Not everything for sale is amazing, even when it’s made from a well-known brand. The modern market is often hit-and-miss, and sometimes we must scrap ideas or products in exchange for better ones. However, the TENGA Flip-Hole might have some staying power if it ends up in the right hands (more like on the right dicks). Here is the good, the bad, and the ugly shit you need to know:

 

PROS

It is lightweight and sleek.

It is masculine-looking.

It features four separate, interchangeable sleeve textures.

The sleeve textures provide various sensations and intensities.

It feels even better when the sleeve is warmed prior to use.

It is reusable.

The device is easy to clean, requiring little more than water.

It is rather inexpensive when compared to other handheld male masturbators.

CONS

It is kind of skinny and hard to hold onto.

It is not easy to camouflage.

The four textures are somewhat similar to one another.

The sensations are not the most intense we’ve ever felt.

The feeling is nothing compared to the SuperSkin, especially when warmed.

We started noticing deterioration after about a dozen uses.

It takes a few hours to fully clean and try in preparation for the next use.It costs about the same as other models that probably feel better.

 

Our Final Verdict

Overall, we thought the TENGA Flip-Hole was a relatively satisfying fuck toy. We are extremely picky though. The Flip-Holes have a very nice design, but nobody is going to mistake one for a common flashlight sitting on your table. It definitely looks like a sex toy, but if you’re into that kind of thing who are we to judge.

Since it’s not as heavy as some of the other toys on the market, it can be traveled with easier. However, the trade-off is that you must use more manual power to get the same sensations as the bulkier models. We are a bunch of lazy fucks and we’re not fans of having to work hard for our orgasms. We know you have to fight for your right to party, but we’re peaceful guys who just like to jizz all over the place. If we had to rate the Flip-Hole on a scale of 1 to 10, we would give it a solid 8.

NOTE: Right before we released this review we found out the TENGA brand just introduced new and updated version of  of the Flip-Hole. It is a luxury lineup, for a guy who doesn’t mind spending the extra cash on a high-end piece of fake ass. You can find more information on those here.

Don’t Flip Over the TENGA Flip-Hole Just Yet

The Fantastic Fleshlight Girls Lineup

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably heard of the Fleshlight brand. It’s one of our favorite brands to review and we got to fuck the Fleshlight Girls as part of our latest project. It’s a tough job but somebody’s got to do it.

No, I’m not talking about putting down the sex toys and pounding away at actual pussies. What I’m talking about is, in all fairness, the closest thing any of us are going to get to the real thing in this lifetime. The Fleshlight Girls are hotter than the sun and probably wouldn’t fuck any of us even if we paid them to. They’re some of the sexiest and most experienced women in the biz, and now their pussies and asses have been molded to be attached to the already amazing Fleshlight canals that we all know and love.

More Details, Please?

So basically, the Fleshlight Girls is a special line of male sex toys that are carefully molded off some of the biggest porn stars in the industry. No shit, the company for real took these women to a studio and made life-like molds of their pussies, asses, and mouths. Then, they used those molds to fashion attachments that are made from their patented SuperSkin material. Talk about realism.

In choosing our favorite Fleshlight Girl we got to pick from several options. First off, we could opt for the famous Lotus material or we could go all out and choose the model’s signature texture. Half of us chose one kind and half of us went the other way. In fact, a few of the guys received mouths instead of pussies or asses, so they got to utilize the Swallow texture (those bastards).

How Are Their Parts Molded?

At first we thought what you’re probably thinking: How in the hell did they mold these ladies’ private parts with any real accuracy? Well, part of our mission was to look more closely at the creation process of the Fleshlight Girls lineup to find out. Here is how it all goes down:

  • The model is washed and dried and then she lays on a table.

  • Liquid molding clay is then poured all over her body, namely on her beautiful private parts.

  • Some of the molding clay is also injected into her ass and pussy. We’re not even kidding.

  • The clay dies and is then removed from her orifices and allowed to set up.

  • The finished mold is then used to create exact replicas out of the brand’s patented SuperSkin material.

Even the process seems erotic as hell, but it’s not nearly as sexy as the girls themselves. The Fleshlight brand has talked some the biggest names in porn into having their genitals and mouths molded for your pleasure. Now that’s customer service if you ask us.

Who Are the Fleshlight Girls?

We keep telling you that the Fleshlight Girls are some of the hottest stars in the pornography, but we haven’t told you who they are. We get it; calm down. There’s just so much awesome to all this shit, and we don’t know where to begin. So, let’s start by introducing our favorite dirty dozen. Keep in mind that Fleshlight has about twice as many girls as are listed here, so don’t get your boxers in a bunch trying to decide. For now, just take a gander at the inventory:

  • Tera Patrick (Twista)

Yes, THE Tera Patrick. If you’ve never heard of the lovely Tera Patrick, then you’re probably still a virgin and you need to read this review more than anybody. Otherwise, you probably already knew that Ms. Patrick is a living legend in the adult film world and has been since her debut. But, did you know that she used to be a nurse and she holds a degree in microbiology? Fucking the hot nerd got checked off our bucket list real fast with this one.

  • Teagan Presley (Love Humps)

Teagan has been an adult film star for quite some time now, and she remains a fan favorite. Known for her perfectly taunt body, beautiful face, and exceptional kinkiness, Ms. Presley began doing online porn (mostly anal) for Digital Playground before starting her own company. It’s close to being able to fuck a powerful female entrepreneur who likes to take it up the ass while she makes copies in the break room, and we love that.

  • Jenna Haze (Maze)

Voted “The Dirtiest Girl in Porn” in 2010, Jenna Haze entered the porn industry at the young, juicy age of just 19 years old. She was first known for working exclusively with other women in some of porn’s best girl-on-girl action scenes, but her appetite for men could not be understated. So far, she’s been in over 500 films, and now all three of her famous orifices have been molded so we can get in on the action. Fuck yeah!

  • Jesse Jane (Gauntlet)

Slam some salami into the military brat and the tomboy-turn-sex-toy without using a time machine or filing for divorce papers. Jesse Jane, that hot little homewrecker, is a famous porn star who used to be a cheerleader and a waitress at Hooters before turning her attention to rocking cocks. Can it be any more of a fantasy than to hardcore fuck the girl next door in the privacy of your own home? We don’t think so.

  • Stoya (Destroya)

Stoya is a natural beauty with an exotic look who got her feet (and her pussy) wet in the adult film industry by happy accident. She started as an erotic model and one thing led to another. By 2007, she signed a contract with Digital Playground and has been a famous fuck bunny ever since. She’s best known for having one of the tightest asses in the biz, and we experienced that first-hand for ourselves so, we concur.

  • Riley Steele (Nipple Alley)

Ms. Riley is a relatively new star and you know what that means: her shit is still mighty exclusive and she’s tight as hell. Before becoming a moldable porn star though, she worked as a simple golf course caddy and as a barista at Starbucks. Man, we wish we got our morning coffees from there! Luckily, she is now inviting everyone’s Venti cocks inside for a new kind of hole-in-one (or two or three) and we think it feels like Heaven on Earth.

  • Lisa Ann (Barracuda)

If young, dumb, and full of cum isn’t your thing, then sexy and sophisticated Lisa Ann just might be. As the most seasoned of the Fleshlight Girls, she got her start back in 1990 when porn was pure. She was going to school to become a dental assistant and found herself becoming a famous adult film star instead. Funny how things work out. Fast forward a few decades and Lisa Ann plays Sarah Palin in “Nailin’ Paylin” – one of her most famous adult film roles that, quite frankly, we like to play on repeat while we explore her magnificent mold.

  • Tori Black (Torrid)

Tall and tempting, Tori Black is one of the sexiest natural beauties in the Fleshlight Girls lineup. She has those tiny teenage titties and a tight little ass. Tori had just recently got her start (2007) when she became the Penthouse Pet of the Month. Since then, she’s been AVN’s Female Performer of the Year twice, and all three of her fabulous fun zones have been made available through the Fleshlight brand. Score!

  • Misty Stone (Bump n’ Grind)

Born in L.A. in the fun and funky 80s, Misty got started in porn when she was 20. She is known as one of the friendliest and most personable women in the industry, but her voluptuous ass and award-winning “Oh Face” are what gets most people’s attention. In fact, some of her fans refer to her as the “Halle Berry of Porn.” Having appeared in over 120 films so far, Misty’s mouth, ass, and pussy are all available in a specialty line called “Bump n’ Grind.” There ain’t nothin’ wrong with a little bit of that.

  • Alexis Texas (Outlaw)

Ms. Alexis says that everything is bigger in Texas, including orgasms. Her unique line of textured orifices came about after fans demanded more from her already popular anal repertoire and her stunning girl-on-girl action series. Although she has only been around in the adult film industry since 2007 and has yet to win many prestigious industry awards, critics are still saying there’s a chance she will become the next living legend if she keeps up the way she is.

  • Christy Mack (Attack)

This chick, and her sexy orifices, are in a league of their own. You can tell it just by looking at Christy Mack, whose aggressive demeanor and artistic tattoos make her body a rocker’s wet dream. She’s been on the scene since 2012, which shows us just how amazing she is. In just a few years she has won more awards than most, and now her pretty little private parts are available to the highest bidder (or to the people willing to pay for her unique mold).

Now remember, the Fleshlight brand has about 23 Fleshlight Girls in total, so you are not limited to the ones listed above. However, these are the ones that we thought our readers would enjoy the most. Once we get a chance to fuck them all, you’ll hear from us again. In the meantime, check out the full Fleshlight Girls lineup. Our suggestion is to take it slow and try out a few different types. Not any two are the same, so this is customized muff-diving at its finest, folks.

The Fantastic Fleshlight Girls Lineup

The Future is Finally Here. The Robots Are Sucking My Weiner And I’m Loving It!

So I recently got my hands on the AutoBlow 2, or should I say it got its hands on me. I have a lot of really good things to say about it so far, and I have been using mine about three times a week for the last two months. Don’t get me wrong: the developers still have a couple adjustments they could make to the overall design and appearance, but all-in-all it’s a pretty solid machine that definitely had my toes curling. I’ll start out with the basics.

What Is the AutoBlow 2?

Basically, it’s just this automatic blowjob machine that you hold in your hand and pleasure yourself with. Now, I know there are about a million male sex toys out there, but this one is a little different. The fella creating them, for one, is quite the imaginative guy – as you can see by looking at the almost retro yet modern-looking design of the outer casing. The way it works is pretty attention-getting too, but we will get into that later.

For two, the entire contraption looks more like one of those big camping flashlights than a hand-held blowjob robot. I am kind of grateful for that, actually. My buddy says it reminds him of a thermos with a handle on it. Another says it looks like the phone that Zack Morris used on “Saved by the Bell.” The sleeve, which comes in three different sizes, is reminiscent of those high-end Fleshlight masturbators in that it features an anatomically correct-ish mouth on the top. I find that feature quite nice, especially when I’m using it at full speed.

Which reminds me, the AutoBlow2 has a few different settings that I think have earned some discussion. After all, it is – in my humble opinion – one of the best hand-held masturbators I have used in a very long time. Let’s go over the main specs really quick:

The Main Features

The AutoBlow 2 is pretty simple to describe now that I have had my come-down cigarette. No seriously, once you slide this bad boy onto your dick it’s curtains. The material of the sleeve is more or less lifelike and, depending on the size of the sleeve you pick, is plenty big enough to accommodate your member and tight enough without cutting off your circulation. It plugs into the wall so it doesn’t ever need to be charged. However, the unit is not compatible with some overseas outlets so I’d suggest checking on that before taking it with you on a trip.

It is not exactly small, but it’s not so huge that you can’t fit it into your luggage either. I keep mine hidden in my sock drawer and my girlfriend is none the wiser so far. Nor does she know yet that the AutoBlow 2 does a better job on my penis than she does. I’m just saying: if the AutoBlow learns how to cook me dinner, she’s fucked.

Oh and one more thing: this particular toy features a design that is supposed to support hands-free use. That means its motor is powerful enough to maintain a realistic blowjob sensation without you having to do anything. Its motor is also guaranteed to last at least 1,000 hours, which means you can get your dick sucked for almost 42 days straight without stopping. If you can go that long, then sir, you need to stop reading this shit and call Guinness.

How I Use It Like It Owes Me Money

Meanwhile, back on Planet Average Joe, I’m tearing this thing up weekly like it stole my credit cards and brought its toothbrush over to my house. I mean, I seriously think we are going out now. Either way, this is how I use the AutoBlow 2. I’ve got mine in Size B (and I have a Size C on backup just in case this penis extender actually works). I typically use it on medium speed and these are my usual results:

  • I put the sleeve into the machine. Sizes range according to penis size as follows:
    • Size A – penis girth of 3-4 inches
    • Size B – penis girth of 4-5.5 inches
    • Size C – penis girth of 5.5–6.6 inches
  • I slap on some of my best lube.
  • I slide myself in and get comfortable.
  • I turn it onto slow (low speed) to begin.
  • I crank it up on high for a second, just because that shit feels amazing.
  • I turn it back down to medium speed to finish myself off.
  • I clean off and clean up.
  • Enough said.

I can’t go for very long on high speed, and I don’t know anyone who can. Furthermore, I’m not sure it is quite ready for guys with large dicks. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you fucks, but don’t you think you’re lucky enough already?

Despite its somewhat limiting flaws, the AutoBlow 2 has a bunch of redeeming qualities I think make it a real contender in the ‘Fight for the Right to Party with your Pants Off’. There are quite a few things I thought made it pretty cool, even if it has to be plugged into the wall and can’t accommodate my fatter-cocked friends, those bastards.

What I Liked about It

Not all sex toys are created equally, but you already know that. This thing, though, had me reeling from the very first motion of the dual-ring massagers that glide up and down like the tongue of my very talented yet batshit crazy college girlfriend who shall remain nameless. I didn’t see it coming, but when I was climaxing with it for the first time I let out a roar like a goddamn lion and my roommate came crashing in because he thought I had killed myself. To make a long story short, he ended up buying one of his own about a week later.

Here is what I like about it. You’ll have to ask him his opinion about his if you can get him out of his bedroom:

  • Ergonomically designed handle for a comfortable grip
  • Powerful action no matter what speed you have it on
  • No manual pumping required (unless you want to)
  • Can be used hands-free
  • Has multiple sleeve sizes for men with various penis girth

I also found it quite handy that the sleeve is easily removable for maintenance. Unlike some of the sex toy materials out there, it was rather simple to clean with none of that stickiness that you sometimes get when you wipe off your wad.

What I Didn’t Like about It

Like I said, there were a few things I didn’t find so amazing when I tried the AutoBlow 2. I think that’s just what happens when you experience something new, and I know that I have seen my fair share of sex toys in my day so my dick is pretty picky. More so than that though, once you use something for a while, you start to think of ways you could make it even better. It’s only natural.

Here are my thoughts on what could be improved on the AutoBlow 2, although it was pretty hard to come up with this list while I was using it:

  • I wouldn’t hate on the designer if they made the grip a little smaller or at least adjustable.
  • Although there are three action speeds, it wouldn’t hurt to have a sliding speed for fully customizable blowjobs.
  • Even though I’m obviously jealous of my friends with bigger penises, I’d have to say it’s not fair that they can’t experience this shit for themselves.

That Being Said

The makers of the AutoBlow 2 say that it is “the original massage chair for your penis” and I would have to agree. After a long, hard day, there are few things better than sitting down for a nice, solid blowjob. Too bad we can’t get our partners to feel that way. Little do they know: they’re slowly being phased out by machines like this one. They better step their game up, that’s all I can say.

My Final Verdict

Overall, this device felt almost exactly like the real thing, minus the gagging and possible scraping. It was nice not having to apologize for bricking without pulling out too, which is a sensation I never thought I’d feel again. It can suck me until my dick is raw and I don’t have to take it to dinner one time. It’s almost like one of those “TAKE MY MONEY” situations, even if the thing works like shit.

I also just found out that there is an AutoBlow 2 VIP that is clear. The next time I get a blowjob from a robot I’m going to watch the whole thing go down. They might not appreciate it on YouTube, but I’ll certainly love it in my bedroom (or bathroom, or kitchen, or living room, or in the car, or on an airplane). I’d give this thing 4 out of 5 stars, just because I want to see what else the developers can come up with.

The Future is Finally Here. The Robots Are Sucking My Weiner And I’m Loving It!

Pornhub Presents: CyberSkin Twerking Butt Deluxe Realistic Vagina and Ass Sex Machine

We have been fucking sex toys since the beginning of time. That means our pallet for pleasure is just a bit more discerning than, say, those eager beavers with average experience. In other words, if we say it is a good lay then you can bet your ass it is. And speaking of asses, Pornhub recently introduced the CyberSkin Twerking Butt Deluxe and, well, we considered it our duty to fuck that booty.

Let us start out by saying thank you to the developers for taking so much time to create this unique machine. It is a device that, in our opinion, is long overdue in a world that has been expecting cars to fly since 1984. Being as it is the first of its kind, there is more than enough room for improvement. But, based on how mind-blowing this thing is already, we can’t imagine what they will come up with next.

Since it is quite a bit more expensive than some of the other toys we’ve reviewed, our boss only let us order half a dozen, which caused some contention on the break room. These things cost about $1000 each, and they’re heavy as hell. None of that made any sense to us until we took it out of the box and began using it for ourselves. Now we get it for sure.
 
AWESOME PROMOTIONAL VIDEO

What’s in the Box?

This life-sized sex toy has got to be heavy to withstand all the powerful poundings that it inspires. Upon initially opening the box we immediately gasped at how realistic it appeared. We unwrapped it and started touching the CyberSkin material, slapping the ass cheeks and watching the gentle jiggle. After we got that out of our system (which seemed to take longer than it should have), we began checking out the rest of the fun stuff in the box.twerking-butt

We reached in and pulled out The Twerking Butt Deluxe first, to get it out of the way. It comes with a wired remote control that is attached to the underside of the toy by a relatively long cord. Next to that was a power adapter with a fitted cable. Tucked to the side of that was the CyberSkin-brand Virtual Reality headset wrapped carefully in bubble paper. We were impressed by the whole shebang, but then when we learned the Twerking Butt could be used with Oculus Rift.

That probably would have been enough for us, but Pornhub obviously knows what people want and what their toys need. The box also contained a high-powered cleaning water-jet wand, a durable storage bag, a tube of renewal powder, and even some water-based lube. That is a lot of cool shit for $1000; our boss is a cheapskate.

How Does It Work?

The CyberSkin Twerking Butt Deluxe is kind of difficult to use for the first time, but that’s just because none of us have ever seen anything like it. Hell, I’ll bet the first person to drive a car thought it was like rocket science, so let’s not get off track with what’s important here. It can be used with or without the virtual reality headset, but we chose to go for the full experience to see what all Pornhub had to offer. It turns out that they have their own special content which is made specifically for this toy.

Once examined and set up properly, the way it works is rather simple. Here is a step-by-step guide to get you started:

  • Connect the cable from the Butt to the Power Adapter.
  • Use the attached remote to control 6 independent twerking speeds and 6 different vibration strengths.
  • Press and release the “Twerk” button then use the “Up” and “Down” buttons to adjust the settings.
  • Press and hold the “Twerk” button to cancel the function. We had a good enough time using the Butt without all the bells and whistles, but we were excited to start experiencing what we can only describe as a mixture of insanely realistic video gaming and some serious hardcore fucking. It’s a good thing we get to keep these things when we get done.

What About the Virtual Reality Stuff?

Finding something to stick your dick in is not that difficult these days, but having the ability to fully immerse yourself in the experience using technology is a real treat. Technological devices have been in the bedroom for a long time, but it just got a lot more exciting.

Getting the VR portion of the toy set up is rather easy as well, and it goes a little something like this:

  • Download the CyberSkin Twerking Butt app on your smart phone. 

NOTE: It must have a screen size of at least 4.7 to 6 inches.

  • Register for an account on the app (you don’t have to provide much information)
  • Begin browsing for and downloading the special 3D virtual reality videos from the selection
  • Pair your smartphone with the Butt using Bluetooth
  • Slide your smartphone into the VR headset
  • Put the headset on and enjoy the action while you start pounding away. 

You can even set it up so that the Twerking Butt moves in tandem with your favorite music. As always, use a water-based lube (like the one included in the box) and clean up after yourself once you’re done to ensure your butt remains intact for a long time. Your VR headset will turn into nothing more than a 3D TV if you’re not willing to care for your butt. We suggest using the Renewal Powder every time because it made a big difference for us.

How Does It Feel?

So far we have only talked about the technical side of things. Let us now do our best to try and describe the way this machine makes our dicks feel, if that’s even possible. The simplest way to depict our experience with mere words is to say that felt like the actual motion of a voluptuous human body, if that makes any sense.

twerking-3The intense massage sensations combined with the powerful vibrations created this mind-blowing simulation of a tensing and clenching orifice. The machine is also self-heating, which means we weren’t thrusting our members into cold, uninviting holes. After all, we have our wives and girlfriends for that. While in use, the Twerking Butt is designed to maintain the same warm temperature – 98.6 degrees – without any user involvement.

Meanwhile, the vaginal and anal openings look like actual genitals – complete with realistic folds, flaps, and contours. Once deep inside, you can feel the delicate detailing as it tickles your dick and balls. The dual canals are both textured to feel as real as possible, and if you were blindfolded you might not be able to tell the difference.

The Pros and Cons

Nothing is perfect in this world, not even our little play thing here. However, we can’t honestly say that we weren’t surprised and impressed by the sheer ingenuity of the Twerking Butt. Everyone who sees it immediately says, “WHAT THE FUCK?” and is compelled to touch it. That’s got to count for something.

THE PROS

  • Motion in the Ocean: It simulates the way the human body moved during passionate intercourse.
  • Cushion for the Pushin’: It’s made from durable elastic CyberSkin material that creates a soft and bouncy resistance on your crotch.
  • Hot and Bothered: It maintains a realistic internal temperature just like that of an actual vaginal or anal canal.
  • Ribbed for Your Pleasure: The dual canals are textured to further simulate a woman’s body.
  • Variety is the Spice of Life: It can be used with or without the included VR headset, and it works with Oculus Rift.
  • Get Your Groove On: It can be linked to twerk right along with your favorite soundtrack.
  • Big and Beautiful: It weighs enough to take a beating but is shaped like the nicest ass you’ve ever seen.
  • No Strings Attached: It is the closest thing you’ll find to having actual sex without feeling obligated to cuddle and call back afterwards.

THE CONS

  • Take a Nose Dive: This thing smells a bit like chemicals when you open the box, but we found that it went away after just a few uses and washes.
  • Practice Makes Perfect: While it may be somewhat cumbersome to use at first, getting the hang of it does not take long at all.
    • *NOTE: We had one guy who, after two weeks of using it, said he was starting to feel like he was becoming an addict. We certainly understand.
  • I Like It When You Call Me Big Poppa: Its internal capacity is suitable for penises 7.5-inches long or shorter, so you big-dicked men should look elsewhere.
  • Chained to the Wall: It is a wired contraption which means you can’t go far with it, but on the other hand it also means you never need to worry about running out of batteries.

We also thought about how nice it would be for the developers to come up with an adjustable vaginal or anal entry to accommodate different sized penises, but then again we might be asking for too much here. Hell, there are even little dimples on the lower back – just like that hot girl in high school you couldn’t ever fuck. Now you can show her what she missed out on all those years ago, and you can fuck her friends too.

Our Final Verdict

Once we were done panting and sweating, we could sit down and form an honest opinion of the Twerking Butt. All-in-all, we would have to collectively say that the CyberSkin Twerking Butt Deluxe is, hands down, the coolest thing to come out of the tech world since the Atari back in 1975. As far as sex toys are concerned, we can’t even think of anything remotely close to this, so there is no comparison.twerking-2

Although it doesn’t quite twerk like Miley, we’re not sure we would want it to. Its automatic motions create the perfect effects that, quite frankly, look and feel quite a bit more appealing. With the VR capability and the fact that it can dance to music, you’re only limited by your perverse imagination. We might not be the most creative team in the world, but we still rocked our cocks in real time by using the virtual reality headset. And although the entire shebang comes in at a swift grand, we can’t help but remind ourselves that modern game systems – complete with all the necessary software, accessories, and attachments – can cost around $600 and they won’t even get you laid.

Pornhub Presents: CyberSkin Twerking Butt Deluxe Realistic Vagina and Ass Sex Machine

Easter Bunny Came Early This Year And Brought a Basket Of Some Naughty Eggs

We recently got our paws on these little things called Tenga Eggs and, at first, we weren’t sure what we were dealing with. For one, we didn’t know what to expect once the thing was unwrapped, so we held our breath and prepared for the coming surprise. It turns out the Tenga Egg is this cool pocket-sized masturbating accessory, so obviously, our interest was immediately piqued.

Upon closer inspection, it was clear that the Tenga Egg was not a kid-friendly gift from the Easter Bunny – at least, not from the Easter Bunny we remember. Furthermore, it didn’t take too long before our team was lost in a mountain of deconstructed eggs and lubricants, as well as these floppy cup-looking things that looked like a contact lens and a used condom fucked and had a flaccid baby. If we didn’t already know what they were supposed to be used for, we might have mistaken them for larva and called the exterminator.

Despite their unusual appearance, we discovered that each of the Tenga Eggs would give us a different sensation. Running our fingers along the surface we felt the unique patterning of soft ribbons and bumps along the inside of each. Unfortunately, we didn’t prepare ourselves because the little buggers didn’t look like much. Boy, were we wrong.

If you like a pleasant penis surprise, you’ll probably dig the eggs. Chances are, you’ll find something you like in the dirty dozen. In fact, the Tenga brand, which sells everything from vibrators to lotions, offers 17 different egg models to choose from.tenga-egg

What Is the Tenga Egg?

The Tenga egg is this thin piece of malleable plastic that is designed to enhance masturbation. It feels a bit like a mixture between skin, rubber, plastic, and playdough. It is dome-shaped just like an egg, hence the clever nomenclature. It is made by a popular UK-based company that is known for its unique variety of convenient sex toys.

The egg, which comes in a variety of sexy styles, can be purchased singly or in a pack. We tried out the pack just so we could experience some random excitement. After a while of testing sex toys, not much catches your attention anymore. It did, however, occur to us that the Tenga Egg is one of the only sex toys on the market that is suitable for all penis sizes.

How Is It Used?

The Tenga Egg is rather rudimentary, which makes it surprising that nobody else has invented one yet. The first step involves you unwrapping it from its plastic packaging and popping open the egg like one of those fake Easter eggs you find in the yard. There will not be candy or money inside, just the egg and a packet of Tenga-brand lubricant tucked in the center. We weren’t happy about it either, until we started using it. how-to-use-tenga-egg3

Designed to be used either alone or with a partner, we suggest getting it out and ready before you start (if possible). Simply squeeze some of the lube into the egg-shaped cup, squish it a little to ensure proper coating, and then slide it over your dick like a huge condom. It won’t feel so amazing at first, but just wait.

We split our team into two groups, and each group got all 17 egg varieties. Group One was manual, and Group Two had a partner. Both groups reported that the sensation was pretty much the same, given the different sources of pumping. The manufacturer does not recommend using this thing internally, so don’t get any ideas. Just lay back and enjoy what the modern world has given you – a disposable dick sock that’s ribbed for your pleasure.

Our Honest Opinion

We know, as well as you know, that all sex toys are not the same. When you’re holding something in the palm of your hand, there’s a chance you might second guess its durability and value. After using the shit out of these things, here are the pros and cons that our team came up with:

THE PROS

  • Play the Field: there are a dozen and a half different textures to try
  • Destroy the Evidence: they are completely disposable
  • Push It to the Limits: the material stretches to accommodate all penis sizes
  • Have It Your Way: they allow for customizable speed and pressure
  • Tuck and Run: they’re the size of an actual egg
  • The Complete Package: everything you need to pump one out is contained inside the egg

THE CONS

  • Waste Not, Want Not: they can only be used once (or twice if you’re nasty)
  • Show Me the Money: they’re kind of expensive considering how often you have to replace them
  • A Rose by Any Other Name: some of the textures didn’t feel much different from the others (or maybe our dicks were raw)

We had a lot of positive things to say about the Tenga Egg, but nothing on today’s market is perfect. After all, if we didn’t have some qualms with these things you’d think we were trying to sell you shit. Our objective here is to help you achieve the best nut of your life. That’s all. Choose for yourself.

FUNNY TENGA EGG COMMERCIAL

A Quick Overview of the Brand Lineup

As mentioned, the Tenga brand offers 17 different Eggs. We took the time to examine each one closely, because if you’re anything like us, you take your jizz seriously. Here is a simple guide to help you figure out which one, if any, is right for your dick. You’re welcome(click on the images to enlarge them):

 

cool

cool-2Cool – the Egg itself isn’t anything to write home about, but it comes with a package of menthol-infused lube to give your dick a cool kick in the pants.

 

clickerclicker-2Clicker – features various sized nubs placed wall-to-wall, giving stimulation to your throbbing cock from all directions.

 

cloudy

cloudy-2Cloudy – as the thickest Egg in the series, it has some resistance which creates a feeling just like soft pussy walls do.

 

crater

crater-2Crater – has a crown-like detail on the inside to make your dick feel like a king, and indentations along the walls which basically adhere to your shaft and provide a gentle tug.

 

dance

dance-2Dance – nothing special about this one, besides the colorful art on the outside of the egg and the mold of a man dancing on the walls, both of which are in honor of Keith Haring and designed to help you get your rocks off in style.

 

lovers-heart

lovers-heart2Lovers Heart – offers a package of lube which creates a slight warming sensation designed to enhance couples play.

 

misty

misty2Misty – features a bunch of little nubs which, after a while, blend into a single sensation and feel like a vibrator.

 

party

party2Party – another Keith Haring Tribute Egg, this one uses overlapping molds shaped like men partying to create a one-of-a-kind feeling and a unique design.

 

shiny

shiny2Shiny – has a sun-like shape on the top and “rays” cascading down the inside walls to give users what they call “a gleaming smile.” We thought it was more like a “satisfactory grin,” but what do we know?

 

silky

silky2Silky – it has a circular ribbon twisting all the way from the top to the bottom, which is why we suggest using this one with some fancy wrist action.

 

spider

spider-2Spider – features a web-like structure that encases the dick all over, creating a grid of good sex.

 

stepper

stepper2Stepper – it will turn your dick into a sexy xylophone and that’s about all we have to say about it.

 

street

street-2Street – the third and final Keith Haring Egg, this one’s molds look like a dude skateboarding, which can feel kind of nice if you’re into that sort of thing.

 

surfer

surfer-2Surfer – with gallant waves of nubs and ribbons, this one will make you feel like your dick is in the washing machine (in a good way). We suggest warming it up before you use it, because whoa.

 

thunder

thunder-2Thunder – firm, vertical, strong, sharp, and kind of rebellious – those are the words that come to mind when we try to describe this one.

 

twister

twister-2Twister – does all the work for you using a series of twisted ribbons that go from the dome to the opening, so combine it with additional wrist motions at your own risk.

 

wavy

wavy-2Wavy – it reminds us of the natural contours felt in the vagina or asshole, making it one of our favorites in the entire lineup.

 

Our Final Thoughts

Granted, it’s fun to accessorize your sexual experience. What’s not fun, however, is running around with blue balls trying to chase down a new Egg every time you want to feel something better than a palm. If you are a fan of experiencing different sensations on your cock but you’re not into the whole “keeping inventory” thing, we suggest using something else.

Sure, the Tenga Eggs are cool, compact, and fun, but nothing quite does the trick like a good old fashioned fake vagina like the Fleshlight – one that you can whip out at any moment and give major hell to. Plus, the Fleshlight brand offers a bunch of compact versions as well, which you can find by clicking here. We don’t know about you, but we don’t like waiting for the mail to come . . . to come. Just saying.

Easter Bunny Came Early This Year And Brought a Basket Of Some Naughty Eggs